Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The beginning

        I sit in the kitchen of my dad's house. It is closer to midnight then not. The need for an emotional purging of sorts is bursting out of my chest and i just finished "resurrecting" my past entries and laying them down in the safety of cyberspace. Today was the first time i didn't practice in a week, but the night is still young. An entire morning and afternoon of my life today was spent on earthly duties of paying bills, renewing insurance, obtaining a PO box for my business, buying airline tickets, switching banks from the horrid, overgrown, money sucking conglomerate that is Bank of America, to a more "democratic" option of a union bank. In whole, things of very grounding nature, first chakra perhaps. The Root chakra. http://www.chakramid.com/first_chakra.html
You must start somewhere. Let me correct that..I MUST start somewhere. I must start here. At the base.

I am grateful. I am grateful for my papa and his second half. I have not felt this much support and i have not felt home or a sense of belonging for a long time. They have made me feel safe. I hope it will last, i hope i can manage all of the recent misfortunes with grace and come out better person, stronger spirit and kinder being. I also hope i will find my truth and  i will not spend time in delusion. I have done that before. I am guilty of that and i am endlessly sorry that in the process i have hurt deeply the once closest and dearest to my heart. I MUST learn.
          " They who imagine truth in untruth and see untruth in truth, never arrive at truth, but follow vain desires. They who know truth in truth, and untruth in untruth, arrive at truth, and follow true desires." Dhammapada 11

Two teacups of Matcha Green later and a book is opened..

Another point of self study/improvement of awareness is to notice that the only time i feel the need to express so profusely is when my soul and heart is in distress. I must learn how to commit to writing more when happiness is at my door, so i can share THAT experience as well.

Full moon tonight.


  1. Love you. Thank you for sharing. Excited for your blog.

  2. Thank you, i am honored. I love you too.

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  4. From someone whose spirit i admire:

    "Things I have learned in my 64 years: There is no “it”. It is the things we don’t do that we regret, not the things we do -even the “mistakes” are a valued part of who we are.
    In my search for the experience that would finally provide me with a sense of true happiness - that blissful acceptance of oneself and the world around me that a very special few seem to have obtained - I experienced romantic love, family love, yoga, meditation, world travel with pack on my back for a year as well as first class adventures, successful careers, wide variety of volunteer work, amazingly accomplished and devoted girlfriends and brief participation in various religious/spiritual programs. The list goes on - each of which I once thought would be the “it” that would make all the pieces fall into place with the real me emerging as a spiritually centered soul. Nope. There is no “it.” I now believe that life is a process. Our challenge is to learn to truly live in the present - soak up the beauty of the process.
    I feel and recognize your struggle as one I have shared - often not feeling the emotional impact of things as others seem to - even the death of my precious brother. But I now accept me and my response, or lack thereof, as who I am - and truly believe I am a good person - which is all that really matters.
    It is fabulous that you have found yoga as a tool on your journey. It has served me well since 1976 when I discovered it while living in a yoga center in New Zealand. You will find your way. Be kind to yourself along the way.
    Much love,