Monday, September 2, 2013

Moscow Blues

The subway is a place of bugs life. Like the movie, but not quite as green and happy. Giant underground tunnels filled with people, herding together in an endless stream of fast moving mass. We are all separate here, we are all one. The illusion however is in the unity. Everyone is connected to the blackberry/iphone/smartphone/ipad loosing with each click any eye contact, any attempt at human interaction. Any potential to see yourself in your neighbor. Life is so fast here. Underground. I wonder if all the worlds subways feel the same way.

The weather in the most punctual of ways gives preference to autumn in Moscow. August 31st, sunny warmth surrounds the city. September first, like clockwork, i am under pouring rain, skies grey and unwelcoming crying a river down on me. I stand on the street and wait for a trolley. There are a couple of us, waiting rather patiently for the slow metal giant to come and rescue us. It comes 30 minutes later. My jeans, that use to be light blue, now are dark ocean color and soaking wet. An old lady to the right giving me an empathetic look, it doesn't help to dry the jeans but it sure helps to warm my soul. I am tired and slightly cranky. Every day i spend at least 1.5 hours in the subway each way from my moms hospital and back. If i detour somewhere, that adds another 2 hours. That is the life here if you are without a car. I start appreciating more and more the ways of the west. There is a positive. I can read. I am catching up on the literature that waited for my eyes for years on the dusty shelves of my Moscow apartment. As the subway stations zip by, so do the pages of the book.There is another positive. Every day the number of steps i take up and down the escalators, stairs, streets make my gluts - buns of steel.

It was the right decision to come back now. The situation would have really been difficult. At least now we have a fighting chance for "success".

I miss the one i love very much. I am hopeful, i am so hopeful that despite everything he will wait. I hope for the happy ending. I hope he hopes too, even if a little. Always.

I do my practice every day. Yoga and Asana keeps me alive and shuts out any doubt that my path, while difficult now, will be strong, prosperous, full of light and love. Hope for wisdom from this experience. Hope for wisdom from every experience! 

Just got a call from one of my moms "friends", with words of accusations for me. As if i haven't heard enough already. As if i am purposefully sabotaging her well being. I am trying to be compassionate towards people who are "NOT IN THE KNOW" at all and are dying to be helpfully critical? is that what i would call someone who is maliciously trying to "aid" without having the slightest idea of WHAT actually is going on and what the situation really is?! This is not the first blow in my direction, not the last from these "helpers", i just gotta keep strong and carry on. It is quite incredible though how people are so judgmental without having information that would remotely suffice for dumping their opinion onto others. I am guilty of such doing myself...but not recently...not for a while now. I HAVE gained that wisdom through my experiences. This time i am just uncomfortably surprised at some of human nature. 

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